she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
