This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
