I need to stop coming to work sober
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
