ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize