i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
time to smoke my breakfast
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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