theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize