I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
