this just has baby written all over it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
