in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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