I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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