whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
