I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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