Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
