I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Still dying that you shit outside
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
