batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize