and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
