i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
