I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
