I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
