Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
