I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
