matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
