so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
