dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
