No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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