Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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