I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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