u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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