We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
