Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
