Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
