I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
