How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
