Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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