Do you still have your period?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
