I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize