Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
