Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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