sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
