Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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