It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
