Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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