home. puking in laundry basket.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
