cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
