He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
