The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
