Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
