just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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