Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
