There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Randomize
