I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
