Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
