Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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