either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
