Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
