I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
