i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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