i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
