dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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