You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize