we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
