What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
