8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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